Justifiable Homicide

Just give me a video camera set on Chris at band practice for about a month, and there isn't a jury in the country that would convict me if I killed him. (Note - I have no plans to do so, but ...)

Chris also plays flute in the band with me. He gives me the creeps and grates on EVERY SINGLE NERVE I HAVE. He cannot play. His tone quality is hideous and he rarely seems to be playing the piece that the rest of us are playing. You look over during a whole note (or a string of whole notes), and there's his fingers flitting merrily along. (If you don't read music, a whole note is generally 4 beats of the same note held. No fingers move.) If the part is split (first and second flute on one sheet), he plays first. He's not first flute, he's second. (Frankly, we're looking for eighth flute, but not having much luck.) He doesn't bother to count his rests, and just starts playing when Barb (the other first flute) and I pick up our instruments. Even when he has a second part, and doesn't play for another ten bars. Tonight at practice, I ended up having to leave the room to cool off, because I was going to haul off and hit him. He looks puzzled when you tell him he's not supposed to come in yet. READ THE FUCKING MUSIC AND START COUNTING YOUR OWN FUCKING RESTS!!! This is not rocket science. Then he couldn't find the next piece. Why? Because his folder was a fucking disaster area. I alphabetized the stupid thing a month ago, and it was back to being a wreck. Next time, I'll just tell him to clean up his own folder. I am not his mother, and he needs to learn. I feel really bad for Graham, who is a young flute player who has the misfortune to sit on the other side of Chris. He's only played for a year, and can't tell if he's off in a piece or if it's Chris. We tell him that 99% of the time, it's Chris. Barb and I spend a fair amount of time whispering snarky things to each other at practice, mostly about Chris (there are others, but he's closest to us, and the biggest pain in the butt.)

Why is Chris still in the band? Because it is open to all comers - talent and ability are irrelevant. WAAAAAH!!

Now I feel better having vented, and will watch Elimidate - crap tv is soothing for me.